I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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