It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
