guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Someone shattered a urinal.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
