Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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