talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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