We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
