sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You are the jesus of drinking
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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