Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
