So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
