you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
