Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
