God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
