Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Who died my cat blue again?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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