I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I will be naked everywhere
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
