Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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