i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
