Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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