just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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