I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
