it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
