just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
