im six kinds of drunk right now
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
