As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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