She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
