Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
