Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
