Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
