if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We need a shit load of segways right now
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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