Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Do vagina's smell?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
