It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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