The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
