I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
