Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
