I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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