They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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