So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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