wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
