i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
