Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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