I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
