i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
