i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
