Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
