Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
