babies were throwing up all over the place
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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