It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
