Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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