Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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