Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
