He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
