Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
